I AM FROM ... a Spring 2011 Poem

I Am From …




I am from California sunshine,

warm ground under my bare feet,

the love of Yosemite National Park,

refreshing smell of pine trees and deep

respect for the American Indians who

lived here first.



I am from the ashes of alcoholism, abuse,

Codependency and constant relocation;

such that there is not a town to call my home,

or say that I am from.



I am from “low-church” fundamentalists

and songs like: “Just As I Am” and “Love Lifted Me”.

And I am from many questions that arose from such songs.

From pondering those questions deeply I am from paths

that answered. Now, I am from a faith that sheds labels,

embraces ecumenism and one God with many names –

there for all of us.



I am from hope, resilience and courage – my own and

from my Mother, who struggled to make a way for us;

alone without my Father.



I am from seeds of faith that span generations and

am honored to be named Delena (Beth)

-- named after Mary Magdalene.



I am from hearts who have endured life by expressing

creatively through music, art and teaching. And I am

from a long yearning of expressing my own gifts more fully.



I am not from old, new or much money; but I am from

Enough…



Most recently, I am from Alaska: 19 years of life in the last frontier.

From that time came the love of fireweed, northern lights,

the smell of fresh snow, halibut and moose on the dinner table,

and deep appreciation for dear people who became surrogate family.

Like the glaciers tenaciously carved that land, so did Alaska shape

and form me, profoundly.



I am from kindred soul sisters, Benedictines and

Spiritual Directors who are passionate for silence, contemplation,

earth stewardship and social justice.



And, I am from the mantra of John Lennon’s “Imagine”

and keep praying:

“the world will live as one…”

Delena Beth Knight

March 20, 2011

Farewell Daddy - Jan 2011 Poem ...

You have always been leaving;


leaving me behind…like when at age five you abandoned us.



Left without a daddy, in the 1960’s, was a shameful state;

not at all the common lifestyle of kids during that time.

Left me to navigate the world without you,

growing up so differently than many girls:

left to become and do so much without you.



Your leaving taught me much over the many years.

There is an unspoken wisdom that comes from such deep loss.

And, fortuitously, it seems your absence shielded me from decades of harm.

Left was a space for Providence to father and shape me with a heavenly healing balm.



You have always been leaving; interspersed by random phone calls, rare visits and

occasional greeting cards.

25 years came and went…



On the other side of the gap from your leaving, time then provided years for us to create re-united memories.

Not always easy and sometimes awkward; many times we tripped over a new-found relationship.

Still, we walked restoration’s path, imperfectly, with desire to have something versus nothing.



Bridging the lost years included bittersweet visits, laughter, tears and snapshots in time of failed attempts at normalcy.

Upon each goodbye, I felt left with something and still so aware of what I was left without.

The reconciliation years gave way to forming witness of each other’s life’s cycles and seasons.

I began to feel left with more than what I had been left without.



You’ve always been leaving. As such your sense of home, and mine, has been fractured.



This time you left me with peace.

You left me with a deep sense of grace.

Happily and lovingly, I wave you on to a new home where there is no fracture, where

there is no more leaving; a place where Spirit embraces you to rest and simply be ---

You leave me with feeling left with more than what I was ever left without.





- Delena Beth Knight

January 7, 2011

Florida 2010

Five years ago when our daughter left Alaska -- and we stayed -- we began to pray that God would show us how & when we might live closer together.  From 2005 to 2010 we honored our lives in Alaska with all our heart and soul.  Spring 2010 brought the change we trusted God for. Now living in Florida we pray many new prayers.  All around us there are folks struggling from the pangs of the Great Recession. We see it first hand and are in awe that God moved us here to jobs and blessed provision.  In the midst of the grace extended to us we know there is something new here unfolding in God's plan for us.  As we continue to adjust to new jobs, commutes and being parents in close proximity to our daughter (instead of 5,000 miles away) there are new challenges.  For me, a new awareness is the simple desire to just BE instead of DO.  For the past 11 years I have been DO-ing ALOT ...  Now, I am feeling very clear that just enjoying a season of recreation and pausing to take in the new environment seems most important.  At the end of each work day, returning home to my husband and little dog, I just feel the need to rest and savor less striving for a time.  Sometimes is it very important to listen to the parts of ourselves that want to just BE and give ourselves permission to do so ...  For an undetermined period of time God and I are just hanging out... For this over-achiever... that is really "epic"  :) 

Rich Tapestry

Rich Tapestry -  a prose writing of gratitude by Beth Knight

There is a fullness,
a rich tapestry
that envelopes me ...
It is GOD.
Love and lives
woven through mine
leave me feeling splendid.
Golden threads of moments,
weeks, months and years
blend into now.
Standing on the edge of what ?
Brimming full: 
beaming,
nurtured, guided,
mentored, protected,
affirmed, challenged,
coaxed, reminded,
revived ~
I move into another day.
And the breeze of
all the essences
whisper of you (God) ~
of so many who carry me for you.
Forward winds (your Spirit)
nudge me onward.
And love,
at the end of the day,
your LOVE is the only word
that dares describe
what encompasses
all that is
a part of my story -
my being.
Your LOVE is
in so many  eyes,
smiles, voices.
Cradled by life's richness
I sleep and renew.
You (God) renew my spirit
for another day.

There is a rich tapestry
that envelopes me...
It is you ~ my loving God.

-copyright 2007, Delena Beth Knight

A loving plan enfolds us !

This poem I posted back in the Fall of 2009... and I simply must share it again... It is possibly one of my most favorite writings of all that my dear friend Macrina has ever written. 

In this world we live in today full of uncertainty and yet full of "daily bread" from our Heavenly Father, this poem speaks deep volumes applicable to my life and maybe yours ?  May we never forget that a "loving plan enfolds us!"...

From Seasons of Your Heart (pg. 63) Copyright: Macrina Wiederkehr

“I am touched to the core
With a presence I cannot explain
A loving plan enfolds me
Someone is always believing in me
Calling me forth, calling me on.
I am standing in Grace
Filled with mystery
Touched with the eternal.
I cannot get away from goodness
I think we name you, God.
You surround me like a gentle breeze
My idols live on in my life
My inconsistent values stay
My immaturity walks beside me
My sin is ever before me
Your love for me stays the same
I tremble in the face of such graciousness
Your reverence for me astounds me
You breathe out hope
And I catch on… “

Turn the Page

Listening to my favorite minister speak today, I was reminded by him of the idea of life as a series of new chapters.  Turn the page, he said, God is there in all the new possibilities.  I needed that reminder so very much.  For Lent, I gave up fear...  But recently it has tried to creep in through the back door.  Change can be full of excitement, hope and expectations where we greet new possibilities.  But change can also cause our hearts to feel "raw" as my friend Macrina said to me today.   This is all so present with me in recent weeks.
In a season of great providential change, my world is radically changing.  From all that has grown to feel secure and comfortable, I am walking with my husband through a door God opened for us.  It involves leaving Alaska, the place we have called home for many years and moving back to Florida.  The change brings bittersweet goodbyes, letting go of attachment to all that is known and saying "yes !" to new pages that are full of unknowns.  I have this habit of turning down page corners in books I read so that I can come back to those favorite pages that resonate with me.  It seems my heart right now wants to turn down some page corners for Alaska.  At the same time, God is beckoning me and my husband to not linger at the well worn pages that are turned down and marked with sentiment.  Instead, God has answered many years of prayer about this opportunity to live in the sunshine and near our daughter and essentially given us the green light to "turn the page".  Living in my empty house with 3 suit cases, my dog Bella and only a bed (everything else is gone in a crate on its way to Florida), I am aware more than ever of what really matters.  My house has become like a quiet monastery.  Each day and night it is me and God.  My husband is 5,000 miles away at his new job. Possessions are in between Alaska and Florida on some truck somewhere.  At work I am slowly passing the torch to three persons who will assume the role I did as one person.  Its all surreal at times.  Other times it is very real.  Today after the carpet steam cleaners left, I stood in my house that will soon be someone elses home and tears streamed down my face.  A chapter is closing.  A new chapter is opening.  And I affirm that THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT...  and my heart claims the truth that my God is Infinite Good and is there with us as we TURN THE PAGE ...

Next Chapters and Sour Burst Bubble Gum

Living in Alaska, there is always someone leaving and someone arriving. This happens  a bit more often than in other places I have lived. Alaska is a place that provides space for possibilities to flourish and be realized. In those chapters, many special folks have come and gone. Some who have blessed my life include military families, the college bound, Americorp and Jesuit volunteers, oil company executive families, retired teachers, Peace Corp volunteers, retirement to the lower 48, and many more.  Some leave Alaska to pursue goals elsewhere. Some arrive with hopes and dreams. Lives overlap and there is synergy. Then next chapters beckon.  In this frozen land that borders the ring of volcanic fire, there is an energy of  extremes that weaves fire and ice through discernments around change. As choices are made for next chapters, the surprises that follow as one by one we step out on faith are like the new bubble gum I tried yesterday... there is a hint of the safe familiar flavor followed by a unique new twist of zest and tanginess.  May all our next chapters be so:  enfolded by a hint of the safe and familiar, then followed by a new twist of zest !